Hardwired (The Brotherhood Series) Page 10

  Luke saw the anger in Jen’s eyes, and he felt it wash over him from the anguish in her voice. He had been a selfish bastard by continuing to keep tabs on her and Bella, even before he knew who they were. They had never been his. He had nothing to give them. Knowing all of that and admitting it, he still wanted to kill every single man Jen had ended up on a blind date with. That was the kind of man he was. Jen was right, she didn’t know who he was now, but maybe if she did, it would help her hate him enough to guard herself from him.

  “For the past five years, I’ve been an operative for the United States Government; an assassin. They can utilize the hard drive in my back to make me stronger, and it allows me to go places other soldiers can’t. I can go days without feeling tired or hungry. That gives me ample time to hunt my targets. I’ve killed countless men; I’ve even killed women and children when it was necessary. The first day I watched you and Bella at the beach house, I wondered if you were undercover for ISIS; they love to use women and children for their dirty work. It took me hours to convince myself that I shouldn’t attack you. That’s who I am now. I’m a war machine, a monster that lurks in the underbelly of the world, and I do unspeakable things and get rewarded for it. The sickest part of all is I enjoy it.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. The sight felt like a knife stuck in Luke’s gut. She stood up and walked over to him. He stood, not sure what to expect. Her eyes seemed to look straight into his soul, demanding he be a better version of himself. Luke was too drunk on strength to react sooner when she hauled back and smacked him across the face.

  “You think I don’t want to find the easy way out from all this pain? It would be nice to just decide to hate you and to believe that Bella and I are better without you in our life. Hating you would be a gift, but unfortunately, it’s not something I’m capable of. Tell me all the horrendous things you’ve done; I’ll sit beside you and listen to every last soul decaying detail. Tell me you’re a horrible, sick person who loves to kill; I’ll still be here. I didn’t marry you simply because I loved you, I married you because you’re a part of me. You are my soul mate, the other half of my heart, and in order to change that, you’re going to have to kill me.”

  Jen turned and left, disappearing up the stairs. Luke sank back into the seat, unable to even fathom the beauty of the woman he had been given. He didn’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve his half-assed attempt to handle the situation they were in. He stayed downstairs as night time fell, wishing he could just walk up the stairs and join his girls. Their laughter fluttered down the steps every so often, slowly repairing his weary heart.

  The laughter and footsteps overhead faded soon after the moon hung itself in the sky. He looked out one of the giant windows that faced the back side of the property, the only thing that greeted him were the twinkling of lightning bugs. This had been his favorite safe house. It was nestled on eight acres of land in the middle of nowhere in Tennessee. There was a peacefulness to the Tennessee mountains, that had always helped him feel at ease, no matter how severe the mission had been.

  Luke did another perimeter check around the house and double checked to make sure the windows and doors were secure. Then he ventured upstairs, assuming Jen and Bella were already asleep. He slowly opened the door to the room Bella had claimed as her own. She was sound asleep in the middle of the small bed. Her curls had fallen over her face. Luke crept into the room and gently smoothed the silky strands back. He stood there looking down on her for a while before dragging himself away.

  He had assumed Jen would have been with Bella, but he found her in one of the other rooms. She was still awake, her knees pulled up to her chest as tears streamed down her face. Luke rubbed his hand over his face; he had made a mess of things, but he wasn’t sure where to start with fixing them.

  “What are we going to do, Luke?”

  He moved into the bedroom, leaving the door open behind him. He sat on the end of the bed away from Jen.

  “I don’t know,” he answered honestly.

  “I’m so happy, scared, and angry all because you’re here. Happy doesn’t even describe how I feel that you are alive. I’m scared because I don’t know if I can lose you again, and I’m angry because I have a feeling you’re not going to give me a choice in the matter.”

  “Yours and Bella’s life, are the most important things to me and have been since the moment I laid eyes on you two. If it comes down to it, that will take precedence over anything else. I won’t apologize for that.”

  “Do the doctors think your memory will ever come back?”

  “At first, they tried everything. The first six months after I woke up, it was all anyone could think about, or at least I thought so. No one mentioned you in that time, though. I have to wonder if they were really trying at all. After a while, it just stopped. I was who I was, and everyone was more interested in seeing what I was capable of with the hard drive installed.”

  “I have to think if they can implant a hard drive into your nervous system, they’d have a way to cure your amnesia.”

  Luke just shrugged. He had given up the days of wondering what could have been done differently.

  “Did you know Dean?” Luke asked her, wondering just how far Dean’s betrayal had gone.

  “I had never met him, but you spoke of him often. I know a little about what you did before the accident, but you mostly left work at work. Probably because you couldn’t tell me what you were up to really.”

  “More than likely not.”

  “You can’t stay angry at Dean forever. Who knows what kind of orders he was following.”

  “I understand orders more than anyone, but Dean was my friend. I can’t imagine knowing something like this about him and keeping it from him; consequences be damned.”

  “He did help us get away.”

  “Nothing he can do will make up for what he was a part of. When I go for them, his name is on that list as well.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jen

  Jen rolled up onto her knees and moved a little closer to Luke. Part of him was a stranger to her, but she was drawn to the man she had known. She craved him.

  “Jen,” he growled.

  “Luke,” she urged, moving closer yet.

  “I can’t touch you.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ll never stop.”

  “I don’t want you to. I’ve missed you so much.”

  Her eyes went to his hands. The dream she had resurfaced, and she wanted to feel his calloused hands on her skin. Most people weren’t given a second chance at life. Jen wasn’t prepared to squander Luke’s.

  “Look at you; you’re perfection. God, I crave your softness.”

  When she was finally situated next to him, she felt him tense. His hands flexed as he gripped his jeans. She took him in. He looked the same, but he was somehow bigger both in presence and build. His muscles were thick chords on his forearms; Jen itched to reach over to touch them. She had always loved to trace his tattoos.

  “I want to show you something,” she murmured.

  Before she could talk herself out of it, Jen stood up and put her back to him, lifting her shirt over her head. Luke sucked in a sharp breath, followed by the fluttering touch of his fingers grazing over the tattoo on her back, the one that replicated the compass on his hand.

  “When you got yours, you told me it was so that you always knew that no matter what, you determined what path you’d take in life. After I lost you, I was so lost, I didn’t think I would ever find my way again. One day I was looking at a picture of us, and you had your arm wrapped around my shoulder, your hand, this hand was laying over my heart,” she turned around and picked up his hand, her thumbs rubbing over the compass, “it was like a sign. I went and got mine the next day. It sounds silly, but I felt closer to you then, and it helped me get back on my feet. A week later, I packed up me and Bella and moved down to the Outer Banks.”

  Luke’s eyes lifted from their joined hands and trailed up her body. Jen
’s whole body came alive under his gaze, just as it always had. When his eyes met hers, she felt the desire there. His hand broke away from hers and lifted, grazing her shoulder and collarbone. Jen let out a soft whimper at his touch.

  “I imagine I used to kiss you just here,” he said his voice thick and gravelly, as his fingers stopped at the base of her neck.

  Unsure if she could even speak she simply nodded. Then his hands continued their soft exploration, skating down to the swell of her breast that was exposed from her bra.

  “Here too.”

  Jen’s heart hammered in her chest, her nipple thrusting against her bra, begging for Luke’s attention. Her skin felt like it was crawling with lust, anxious to feel him everywhere.

  “There’s not much of me, that you haven’t touched.”

  His eyes lifted from where he was touching her and caught her eyes again briefly. He continued his journey, splaying his fingers on her stomach, his thumb swirling soft circles over her naval.

  “If I left any part untouched, it was a grave mistake, my Ahava.”

  “Luke,” Jen cried as she took his face in between her hands, scouring his eyes for some semblance of recognition.

  There was none, but Jen didn’t care. He had called her his Ahava; that had been something he had called her before. Her memory was still inside of him, they just had to find a way to pull it out. He grabbed her hands securing them to his face, his brow scrunched in confusion.

  “You used to call me that all the time.”

  His eyes grew wide, and she could tell he was searching for more.

  “It’s a start. We’re in there, you’ll find us.”

  Jen leaned down to taste his lips, but Bella’s scream ripped through the room severing their connection. They both reacted at once, jumping up and racing to her room. Bella was awake and crying but otherwise unharmed. Jen scooped her up and cradled Bella in her arms. Luke’s eyes scanned Bella and then over the room.

  “I had a bad dream, Mamma.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. Do you wanna tell me about it?”

  “A man came to take Daddy from us.”

  “Oh baby, don’t you worry about that, okay,” Jen hushed Bella as they rocked back and forth on the bed.

  Luke stood by vigilantly but didn’t make a move to comfort Bella. Jen didn’t judge him for it; she knew it would take time. Bella soon drifted back off to sleep.

  Jen laid her down and tucked her back in. She and Luke slipped back out of the room, and Jen followed him into the other room, where he was apparently going to sleep.

  “They’re never going to stop coming for us, are they? There will come a time when someone’s going to try and take you away from us again…”

  “Yes. I will find safety for you and Bella, though. I’ve hunted more men than they can even fathom. They turned me into this monster; now they will get a chance to experience the horror of being on the wrong end of it.”

  “You’re not a monster, Luke. This life has been thrust onto you, but it doesn’t define you.”

  “I am a monster, and it would be wise for you to remember that.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Luke

  He hadn’t slept well after shutting Jen out. Things had gotten out of control before Bella had stopped them. He shouldn’t have touched her. His fingers still felt burned from the heat of her skin. If only things were different, if only he was different. There was no time to think of things that could have been.

  Luke tossed the burner phone back and forth between his hands. Even though he hadn’t taken the paper from Dean, Luke had committed the number to memory. Dean would know that, too, so he would have the burner on him. The real question was if Luke could trust him. He was so torn. So many times Luke had placed his life in Dean’s hands, and Dean had never let him down. This betrayal was different though. It had been the foundation of Luke’s new life, and Dean had gone along with it. Had everything since then been a lie?

  With no real decision made on whether he could trust Dean, Luke decided to call the man. He needed insider information, and Dean was his only choice.

  “I was wondering if you were going to call. I didn’t realize the post-date waiting period had extended,” Dean said.

  Luke knew Dean was alerting him that he wasn’t alone. That would make the conversation harder. Then he heard Dean excuse himself to whoever was with him.

  “If you double cross me and something happens to Jen or Bella, I’ll be coming for you.”

  “I know.”

  “This doesn’t mean I trust you.”

  “Noted. Are you at the Bravada home?”

  “Yes, how’d you know?”

  “You always liked that place.”

  “Shit. If you know that, then someone else will, too, eventually. I had hoped to stay here longer.”

  “They’re looking into your parents’ old cabin and your old home with Jen, so you still have a couple of days.”

  “You son of bitch, you knew about it all.”

  “If I didn’t go along with this, you would have ended up with a handler who was for it. I knew there would come a day when you would remember, or I had hoped at least. That’s why I chose to be your handler. I knew you would need the back up to get out. Whether you believe me or not doesn’t matter. I’m what you’ve got for back up. Regardless of all this other shit, there’s one thing you should be certain of: I’ve never let you die out in the field before, and I’m not about to start now.”

  “I don’t give a shit about me; it’s them.”

  “I know. What’s your plan from here?”

  “I really don’t know. I can’t put them in witness protection, because there’s no way they’ll trust me to stay away from them.”

  “Have you remembered anything on your own yet?”

  “No, nothing. I did happen to call Jen by a pet name I used to use, but that could just be coincidence.”

  “Nothing is a coincidence; it was your subconscious. You remember them Luke, that’s the only reason to explain why you went to the Outer Banks. That’s where you and Jen used to always vacation. You remember her; keep trying. That may be the only way to save them and you. I gotta go. Dump the car; I’ll have another one for you by tomorrow morning.”

  “Roger that.”

  Luke dropped the phone back on the coffee table, just as Jen and Bella came down the stairs for the morning.

  “Good morning, Daddy!” Bella chirped as she raced over to him and threw herself in his arms.

  It took Luke a minute before he returned her hug, feeling how small she was wrapped in his embrace. She snuggled into his chest, her smile pressed against him. Luke couldn’t help but smile in return. Her love and affection was so unconditional, Luke didn’t deserve it. Jen watched them from the bottom of the stairs, her eyes misty, but she also had a smile on her face.

  Bella pulled back, and Luke immediately felt less without her. She climbed up next to him on the couch and started bouncing again. The child had endless energy.

  “Can we have pancakes for breakfast?” She asked Jen.

  “I’ll have to see what we have, baby. Good morning, Luke.”

  “Good morning, Jen.”

  The two shared a look; Jen seemed determined. Luke knew he was in trouble. He would fall at her feet and offer her the world just for one more caress from her. He couldn’t, though; he had to stay strong. There was no telling what was going to happen, and he refused to hurt her again.

  “Unfortunately, there’s not much except left over pizza. There may be an old box of pancake mix in one of the cabinets.”

  Jen proceeded to look through the cabinets, finding a box of mix that only required water.

  “Thank goodness for processed food,” she said, searching the box over for an expiration date.

  “Mamma, what’s processed food?”

  “Food from a box or can; it can last long periods of time without going bad,” Luke supplied.

  “Why?”

  Jen giggled, whi
ch confused Luke.

  “Well, it makes it easier for people.”

  “Why?”

  Luke wasn’t sure if Bella was putting him on, or genuinely curious, and Jen’s giggles weren’t helping him decide.

  “People are busier now, they don’t have time to make things from scratch or grow their own vegetables.”

  “We tried to grow our own vegetables one time. It didn’t work out, Mamma forgot to water them.”

  “No green thumb then, huh?” He joked.

  Jen rolled her eyes, her smile bright and vibrant.

  “We go to the farmers’ market instead. Much easier, and we get to support local farmers. I consider that a win-win.”

  “Mr. Gamble always gives me extra blueberries.”

  “That’s nice of him.”

  “Daddy, what’s your favorite fruit?”

  Bella had quit jumping and was now sitting cross-legged on the couch, her eyes zeroed in on Luke. Having her innocent gaze upon him, curious about him, was more terrifying than any interrogation he had ever been through.

  “I’d have to say apples are my favorite.”

  “I love, love, love, apples,” Bella said excitedly.

  Jen banged pots and pans around in the kitchen, letting out an explicit, when she hit her head on the bottom of the island. Luke smirked at how funny it sounded slipping off her tongue. Bella’s eyes grew wide, and she flipped around on the couch to look at her mom.

  “Mamma, you said a bad word. I get a dollar in the swear jar.”

  “Swear jar?” Luke asked.

  “Yep. Anytime Mamma uses a bad word, she owes me a dollar in the jar. I’m saving up for a My Little Pony dream castle.”

  Luke looked at Jen, who had a knowing smile on her face. Luke was gonna be a poor man, very soon.