Hardwired (The Brotherhood Series) Read online

  “What triggered these episodes?”

  Luke dragged his hand over his face. He didn’t know whether he should tell Dean the truth or not. Luke was terrified Dean would decide it was too risky for Luke to continue his leave, and he would be torn away from the one thing that he had gotten attached to since his accident—even if it was a complete stranger and totally inappropriate.

  “Fuck, man,” Luke said with a huff once he realized how crazed he was being.

  “Luke, I got to be honest with you right now. You’re making me nervous.”

  “It’s a woman.”

  “A woman?”

  Luke waited for Dean to say more, but he never did.

  “Dean, is there something I need to know?”

  “Luke, I don’t know anything about a woman. Maybe you should just come back to the compound. Maybe being out around the civilians is messing with you. You’ve never known anything except this life. It’s a lot for any soldier, let alone one of your status. There is no precedence for this, and I don’t want you out there having weird episodes.”

  “I still have five days. I’m taking them.”

  Luke hung up on Dean. At this point, Luke wouldn’t be shocked if Dean showed up with a SEAL team to extract him; he also didn’t care. A car pulled up in the woman’s driveway, yanking Luke from his thoughts. He took up his usual position by the window toward the woman’s house. An older couple got out of the car and made their way up onto the stairs. The little girl bolted out of the house and straight into the older woman’s awaiting embrace. Luke held his breath; the little girl holding him captive. She was breathtakingly beautiful. He wasn’t close enough to see her eyes, but he imagined they were blue; brilliantly blue. The little girl seemed to make everything around her dim in comparison. It was as if the world was black and white, and she was the only sliver of color left.

  “Mam!” The tiny angel yelled with delight.

  “Bella, my baby girl. How are you today?”

  “Bella,” Luke said, testing the name on his tongue.

  Another sharp jab of pain shot through his head. This time it was so strong he hit his knees as he grabbed his head, trying to do anything to soothe the stabbing pain. Luke felt the haze of black start to fog his mind, but no matter how hard he fought, he couldn’t do anything but succumb. He felt his body go limp and heard the thump as he hit the floor, and then everything was silent and dark.

  He woke some time later, as darkness crept over the sleepy ocean town. Luke took inventory of himself before he tried to get off the floor. The stabbing pain was gone; now just a headache was left in its wake. His body was fine, having only fallen forward from his knees, so he pulled himself up. Her name popped into his mind before he could stop it, but he didn’t dare say it out loud. Quickly, he peeked over to the house; all the lights were off except for their living room. The past couple of nights, they had stayed in the living room until the little girl fell asleep, and then the mother would carry her to bed.

  Luke watched as the mom read a book, while the little girl slept cradled in her lap. The woman’s long fingers feathered through the girl’s tiny curls. Luke took in the mother fully for the first time since he had made eye contact with her. Usually the woman had all the blinds drawn just as Luke did, but tonight she had them all up giving him full access to them. As grateful as Luke was to have the unshielded access to them, he didn’t like the idea of anyone else having the same. Luke scanned the sand dunes, but with just the light of the moon, there wasn’t much he could see.

  Unsure of what was happening to him, or what to do, Luke headed to the beach under the protection of the darkness. The sound of the water soothed him. Most people wouldn’t think of venturing to the beach in the dark, but Luke preferred it. Most of the time, his operations called for him to be dropped into the water in the dead of the night. Luke knew exactly how it felt for the cold water to slap against his body. He began to move slightly back and forth, rocking himself just as the waves rocked him whenever he was out in them.

  Luke focused on those memories and the things he knew. Maybe Dean was right, and he should pack up and go back. He wasn’t made for civilian life. A story one of the commanding officers had told a few weeks back popped into Luke’s mind. They had all been discussing dog breeds when someone had mentioned Rottweilers. The commanding officer had bought one as a puppy when his oldest daughter had been born, so he could raise them together and train the dog to watch over the little girl. The dog did, but it became too protective to the point where he ended up attacking the girl’s cousin at the park one day because the cousin had tried to push the little girl on the swing. The cousin ended up with stitches and the dog had to be put to sleep.

  Luke felt like that dog. He wanted to tear up anyone who dared to think of touching the woman and the little girl. What would happen then? Would he be put to sleep just as the dog? It seemed hypocritical. After all, just as the dog had done, Luke would be doing what he had been trained to do: protect.

  When he had asked for leave, the team’s psychologist had warned him about going out into the civilian world. Aside from Luke having sustained such a traumatic injury, he had been fully engulfed in military life for so long that the doctor had been afraid Luke would experience some emotional turbulence. Luke finally stood up and walked away from the house. The doctor had been right: Luke had been bred for fighting; for killing. The family in that house wasn’t his. Luke’s only possessions were the tags that hung around his neck.

  Chapter Six

  Jen

  “Is that a motorcycle?” Jen’s father asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Is there only one person staying at the Abbot home this week?”

  Jen knew her father was prying. He was thinking the same thing she was. Why would any man come and stay at the beach by himself? Jen hadn’t figured out the answer herself, so she didn’t really know what to tell her dad. She also knew he’d more than likely end up sleeping on her couch all week, or worse: forcing her and Bella into staying with them for the rest of the week if she told him the truth. Jen did something she normally would never do; she lied to her dad.

  “I think there was a car there the other day with some other people. They must be out shopping or something.”

  “Oh,” her father said as he continued to peer out the window.

  “Dad, it’s not nice to stare.”

  “I just worry about you two up here amongst all of these rental homes. You know that. I really wish you’d take me up on my offer and move further up the coast with your mother and I.”

  “I know you do, but I just can’t. As crazy as it sounds, this is the house I think Luke would have picked.”

  Her dad’s head dipped to the side like it always did when she would mention Luke. Most people’s head did the sympathetic tilt when she brought up her deceased husband. Jen wasn’t any more used to it now than she had been five years ago. It mostly depended on her mood. Somedays she appreciated the gesture, other days it made her furious. Today she was just annoyed. Not so much at her dad as her situation.

  Jen had read a lot of self-help books after losing Luke and most of them never spoke about the annoyance that comes after losing a loved one. Jen got annoyed with the books and quit reading them and trashed them all. She was annoyed. Annoyed that she was raising Bella alone, when she and Luke had planned to do it together. Annoyed that she had to be nervous about the biker man living next door because she was a single mom with a little girl to protect. Mostly she was annoyed that for the rest of her life she would be a widow. She didn’t want to be annoyed.

  She just wanted Luke. Even after five years of him being gone Jen never could shake the feeling of wanting him. Jen had always heard that time would heal all wounds, but she wasn’t sure if that was the case for her. It still felt like Luke had just walked out the front door and never returned. She still yearned for him when she laid in bed at night. Some nights she would picture him coming home and embracing Bella and then kissing her o
n the lips in greeting. Jen wanted all those things. In her mind she knew Luke was gone, but her heart couldn’t seem to come to terms with the loss.

  “Jen?” Her mother said, pulling her from her sadness.

  Jen caught her mom’s eyes and immediately regretted it. Her mom had her meddling face on; the one where she was using her sympathetic tone, but there was a gleam in her eye.

  “Have you thought about going on a date?” Her mom asked her, brushing off Jen’s annoyed huff.

  “No. I do not want to date, Mom. Even if it weren’t for Luke, Bella is too young for me to be dating.”

  “You don’t have to bring them around Bella. Just go out and have some fun.”

  “It doesn’t sound the least bit fun. It sounds horrifying and exhausting.”

  “Oh, honey. Just think about it, will you?”

  “I don’t want to give you false hope Mom. One day I’m sure, I’m hoping, I’ll be ready to date. Right now, I just want to focus on Bella and healing.”

  “Okay.”

  Bella and Jen’s father came out of her bedroom, and her father was loaded down with Bella’s play jewelry. Jen busted out laughing. She laughed until she had tears running down her face. Bella always had a way of making her smile. Her mom shot her a pointed look that told her she wouldn’t be giving up on their conversation that easily. Instinctively, her fingers went to her neckline, and she clutched Luke’s dog tags.

  Chapter Seven

  Luke

  The next day crept by while Luke tried to keep himself from watching the woman and Bella but he couldn’t help himself. Instead of rest and revitalization, he was obsessing and losing control. He was hungry for answers, but he didn’t know how to go about getting them. The soldier part of him wanted to go into the woman’s home and do a thorough sweep to see what he could find, but the man left in him fought against the urge because he was desperately trying to be normal.

  Every time he caught glimpses of the woman and the child, his heart would beat faster. The bond between the two fascinated Luke. There didn’t appear to be a husband even though the woman wore a wedding ring. Dusk was creeping up over the island, and Luke knew he would end up inside the woman’s house later. There was something about her and the little girl that called to him.

  He waited until the sun went all the way down, and he made his way to the beach. Most nights he had worn a shirt just in case someone happened to be out, but tonight Luke threw caution to the wind and decided to let his back feel the salty air. One of the scariest parts of his reinstatement training after the surgery had been the trial and error stage of testing his hard drive in water.

  The doctor had known Luke was a SEAL before he performed the operation, so the hard drive had been made to be waterproof. But just like anything there was really no telling how it was going to hold up under the extreme conditions Luke would be in until he was in them. He had endured hours of rigorous tests that week; it had been like enduring Hell Week all over again, only worse. The first time he knew he had the strength, both mentally and physically, to survive Hell Week. His post-surgery trials, he hadn’t been so sure. After his accident he hadn’t been so sure, and he had no idea what he would do if he failed.

  The government didn’t just hand out desk jobs to someone like Luke. He wasn’t a paper pusher; he was a soldier. Now he felt more like a machine. If he couldn’t perform the missions as they were given to him, then he was no longer useful to the military. He would be considered a threat to national security.

  Luke sat down in the wet sand just where the surf was sucking back into vast nothingness. Something about all the time he had on his hands had Luke wondering about his childhood. Had he always felt so comfortable around water? Several of the men he had worked with on recent missions had told stories about how they had been terrified of water as children only to grow up and become Navy SEALs. Everyone always chuckled, except Luke. Luke wanted to ask those people a million questions, as if something about their past would trigger him to remember his own. He was envious of those people who could remember.

  What had Luke felt when he had enlisted in the military? Had he always dreamed of becoming a Navy SEAL? What about his parents? He had been told they were deceased years before his accident, but Luke wanted to know more.

  None of it mattered anyway. Luke wasn’t a human being anymore, not really. He had to accept his life for what it was. There was no waking up and finding out it had all been a dream.

  A dream. He had dreamed the night before for the first time in a while. It had, of course, been about the little girl with the big blue eyes and even bigger curls. Her innocence and beauty was something Luke cherished even though they weren’t his to behold.

  “Bella,” he said softly. Not that there was anyone around to hear him. It was just him and the ocean.

  The sharp pain started again in his head, and his heart beat loudly against his chest. Instead of fading into the blackness, Luke was able to keep his head about him this time, so he said her name again.

  “Bella.”

  Chapter Eight

  Jen

  As Brad got up to excuse himself, Jen quickly pulled out her cell phone. She sent out a text to her best friend, Shatara. All she could do then was pray that her friend would have her phone close by. Jen knew that once Shatara saw their code word for a date gone bad, she would know exactly what to do. It was actually Jen’s first time using their code word. Shatara, on the other hand, used it almost monthly.

  Brad came back to the table, and Jen hoped he couldn’t see the disappointment on her face.

  “I was hoping my age-old trick would have worked,” he said as he pulled his seat back up to the table.

  “Oh yeah,” Jen mumbled, not really caring what his trick was.

  “Yeah, usually if I get up to go to the bathroom, when I come back the food has arrived.”

  “I see,” she replied, taking a sip of her water.

  “Do you have any good stories from being a substitute teacher?” He asked.

  The man seemed genuine enough, and he wasn’t terrible to look at. He wasn’t Luke though. Everything Brad did, Jen couldn’t help but compare him to Luke, and the man was failing miserably.

  When Jen had met Luke, it had been instant sparks. She had been on her way back from visiting a friend in college when she stopped at a truck stop to get food. There was a fried chicken place there that she had always loved. As she walked in the door, Luke had been walking out, and they slammed into each other.

  “Jen?” Brad said, breaking Jen from her memory.

  “I’m sorry, what was the question?”

  Before he had a chance to repeat himself, Jen’s phone rang. She had to physically hold herself back from breaking out into a victorious smile. Shatara was calling.

  “I’m sorry, I’ll have to take this; it’s my friend who is watching my daughter.”

  “Of course.”

  “Shatara, is everything okay?” Jen answered her phone, knowing everything would indeed by okay.

  “No, it’s not. You need to come home now.” Shatara said, a bit of laughter in her voice.

  “Of course, I’ll be right there,” Jen said.

  “I’ll be there shortly with wine and movies,” Shatara whispered before Jen hung up.

  “I’m so sorry; I have to go, something’s come up,” Jen mumbled as she gathered her purse.

  “Of course, anything I can help you with?” Brad replied, standing himself.

  “No, just motherhood calling. Thank you for the evening,” Jen quipped before all but running away from the man.

  “Please, call me.”

  Jen nodded, knowing full well she had no intentions on calling him. She felt bad as she hurried to her vehicle. Knowing that Shatara would more than likely be waiting for her at her house put a smile on her face. Jen’s night away from Bella wouldn’t be a total loss after all. It had been a while since she and Shatara had gotten together.

  Her stomach growled as she drove home. Jen
was brought back to her thoughts from earlier about the first time she had met Luke. The chicken place was too far away now, but she could make due with fried chicken from the next best place: Popeyes. She whipped it into the drive-thru and once she was loaded down with her heart attack in a sack, she sped off to her home.

  Shatara was there already. Jen unloaded their dinner as Shatara poured them both a glass of wine.

  “So, must have been pretty terrible for you to send me the S.O.S. message,” Shatara pried, breaking their silence.

  “It wasn’t terrible. He meant well, but…”

  “But he wasn’t Luke,” Shatara finished for her.

  “No, I’m afraid I’ll stay in this place for ever. No one will ever be him. But surely I’m not meant to be alone the rest of my life. I haven’t found anyone that even makes me look twice, let alone a spark of any kind.”

  “I’m sorry, Jen. I wish I had some advice or worthwhile saying that would help you or make you feel better, but I’ve never had a Luke.”

  “That’s okay. You brought wine, and that’s better than advice on a night like tonight,” Jen laughed as she took her glass of wine.

  “I also brought Bridesmaids and Bad Moms,” Shatara said, heading over to the DVD player.

  “Oh my gosh, yes! You really are the best.”

  “I know. I know!”

  Jen shuffled everything off her coffee table in the living room and moved their food and wine there. Most days Jen felt like a failure and a simple shell of the person she had once been. As she sat there with Shatara laughing and drinking wine, she felt whole again. Those small moments of happiness were what kept Jen moving through the haze of darkness.

  Chapter Nine